26 November, 2013

Thank You Forever x

Oh hi blog, it's been a while. It's been a busy few months...

It's just over 2 months to the day since the day I nervously stepped into my new job - with crates of enthusiasm in tow, I sailed in on a river of nerves. It's 2 months since I opened the door (and got in a lift and went through another door) to a very new, very scary chapter, with my heart saying 'please, please, let me get what I want this time'. Oh no, sorry, that was on my iPod.. Either way, since that day, my feet haven't touched the ground.

When you've been out of work for even just a short time, when you have stood in line every other Wednesday to collect your dole money, when your career has been so turbulent and then your world has shrunk so small that you lose all confidence in how to be in life, you develop an appetite for normality like you wouldn't believe. I will never forget how excited I was to start work again the day I found out about my new role, I could have made it to the moon and back on adrenaline alone, and still had some leftover for a quick dance. My thirst for that feeling you get after an honest days work was overwhelming.

That appetite hasn't disappeared. Not a day has gone by that I haven't woken up bright-eyed and ready to work, work, work, and not an evening has come around that I haven't arrived home singing inside. My heart just singing at how lucky I am, my mind and body ready for more more more. Even when I caught flu pretty early on in my employment, I still looked forward to going in every day, so happy to just get on a bus, sit amongst people, belong somewhere. And more than that, feel like I belong.

True to form, nothing makes you appreciate what's good in your life like a scare from hell. On the scale of things, my scare was pretty small, but man did it shake me up. I'd like to think I have always been an appreciative person in that rarely a day goes by that I don't count my blessings. Sometimes on a lazy Saturday I lie in bed and I just look around my little bedroom at my little things and genuinely think 'wow!' I don't own anything glamorous, I type on a big old beast of a hand-me-down laptop, most of my clothing labels read 'atmosphere' (look it up) and I'm still pining for a holiday abroad. But I still feel so very blessed, because how very different life could have been. I've always said, if you have a roof over your head and someone to rely on, you're doing okay. Just lately, with the additional joy of employment in my heart, I think I might just burst with how grateful I am for everything life has given me.

That gratitude means I don't take anything or anyone in my life for granted. All the people at my new work who have made it so easy for me to fall into place there, who helped me find my way back to a confident and bright version of myself - credit to those people. You've no idea the difference you have made, you have no idea how dim my light had become. It really is true that you don't know how much a little kindness goes a long way, and whilst not everyone knows my story, they can simply know they have made a big difference to someone.

It's early days, and I know there will be some big fat challenges round the corner, but with the kind of vibe I am so fortunate enough to have found in a workplace and with the memory of those bleak days of nothing, I don't think my appetite to work work work will ever fade.

More soon...woman got work to do.


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