18 August, 2010

The Diet Coke break of an addict

"It's 11.30...Diet Coke Break"
After the 19th re-fill, paul wondered if he should still be sneaking vodka in...
Two weeks ago I signed myself up for the longest diet coke break of my life as I know it. Here’s why.

So enough people have made jokes now about ordering a full-fat Big Mac, fries & apple pie, then asking for a casual Diet Coke on the side to save a few calories.  Yes it’s funny, ironic even, we get it.

Girls in particular love to pretend to themselves they’re being ‘healthy’ by having low calorie drinks with their meat -feast deep pan, eating half of 4 different biscuits (I have driven ALL past housemates insane with this tactic) and deciding that if they skip lunch, the Double Decker calories most certainly will not count. Under any circumstances. No, Shhh, I said under ANY circumstances!!

Joey in Friends sums this fake-calorie-saving trend up perfectly “Just don’t order a garden salad and then eat my food!” he shouts. And gets me every time.

I personally, along with the chomping on half a hobnob habit, have a mental block where Diet Coke is concerned.  I am obsessed with it. It makes me feel like i’m taking the healthy option and wins me over, over and over again. And as a girl who loves Skinny Jeans but has no Skinny Genes (cheers siblings who stole these) who can blame me really!

A few years ago I deduced that 1 + 1 =2. Diet coke is only 3 calories per 330mls + if I drink diet coke I am being healthy = therefore I should drink diet coke as often as I can all day long. No? Oh.

Fellow Diet Coke (DC)  addicts, you may find, like me, that over the years your love for the low calorie beverage has quickly gone from a casual can at lunchtime to a roaring need for another fix every day from about 11am until 7pm, when you move onto Wine (but that’s another tale...) Suddenly when the vending machine ran out of DC’s it wasn’t a case of “oh well” it was a case of calculating if you could power to the nearest newsagents and still get back to your desk in time for yet another meeting. Suddenly you’re no longer rewarding yourself (for hard work/food abstinence/Facebook abstinence) with ice cream breaks and a quick Facebook check, but now with and only with yet another ice cold can of the good stuff.

The weightiness of my addiction hit me a few weeks ago, when I was holidaying and had no call for diet-coke breaks, yet come mid- morning, lunchtime, mid-afternoon and dusk still felt a burning desire for my tinny silver friend.  A desire that resulted in headaches, petulance and a keen interest in chewing gum. It hit me, standing in the queue at intermarch√®, when I caught myself eyeing up not the hot jean-claude/paul/luke at the cash desk, but the 2 litre bottle of sugar free bubble he was scanning for the customer in front of me, that it was time for a change. For although it may be fewer calories, no amount of running and lettuce chomping (both of which I put myself through daily) would counteract the negative effects of my fizzy fetish. 

So I boarded the wagon, perched myself in carriage DC and intend to stay put for as long as possible, until I feel i can safely pass my Co-op without having to nip in for a ‘browse’ and come out with a 24-pack for under my bed. So next time you or someone you know notes how simply hilarious it is that they requested a coca-cola light with their regal banquet, maybe you can just prod them and let them know that actually it is a very slippery slope and the low-cal drink could be the most  mischievous sprite at their picnic.


  1. like! (for lack of a button i can press that does this for me)

  2. yay! Thank you! Can you pimp it out east-side?xxxx


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